It’s been two weeks since I introduced my “buckshot” approach. I’m swiping right more liberally and opening up the playing field. Results? Probably not shocking…just more of the same.

This was an all-Bumble trial; the first contact was mine after match notification. In every case I started with hello (and in no case did I “have him at” that), and followed with a question directly related to his photos or profile. To the architect: Are you involved in an interesting project now? To the critic: What genres do you like most? To the writer with funny profile: Do you write comedy? To the others: Any fun plans to kick off the summer?

12 matches. That means that they swiped right on my profile, too. I had a really nice dialogue with one over the course of several days. Then silence. A few responded with answers like “yes” and “thanks;” not engaging…done. One asked for my number but didn’t use it. 2 or 3 placed on hold during long weekend.

5 of them didn’t acknowledge my contact. I had to, just had to, follow up. “So…I’m going to send this same question to several of you…I hope you’ll reply…What changes from your first swipe right til it’s time to respond to a text? (I do it, too, sometimes). We all know this is a crap shoot…let’s at least find out. Aren’t you curious? I am. Let’s face it…it’s not personal at this stage…but maybe, just maybe…(Not desperate. Not needy. Really wondering.)”

Two responses. One told me he’d met someone else, who he’s now dating, right around the same time. I asked if that was true, reminding him he owed me nothing and that I meant this as a learning experience. He said he never lies. Whether or not that’s true is inconsequential today. In short, we texted back and forth a little bit and that was that.

The other one went differently. Turns out he lives in another state. I asked if he was looking for hook ups or if he was cheating on someone. Said he was not a cheater, but was, perhaps, interested in cyber sex. He asked about my relationship/dating status.

“Cheater? Never. Well, maybe in college with high school boyfriend. Hookups? Been a lifelong prude; hoping I’ll find my inner slut one day. Husband? Still on paper but long done in life. Reality? Who the fuck knows?! I want it to blindside me and live happily ever after. Is that asking too much?!” 

He didn’t think I was asking too much. And you won’t be surprised to learn that he offered to help me find my inner slut via sexting. “Harmless. Could be fun.” I tried to do it…to challenge myself. I bailed before I started. To him, I apologize, since he kind of started without me.