email

Later…I Promise

~ What's in a Profile? ~ Leave a comment

I favorited him. He messaged me. Likes my photos. Likes my profile. Do I want to chat or, better, meet for coffee? OK! Here’s my number. I prefer meeting to phone date…awkward and counterproductive. Call or text and we can set something up. Or message me back on site.

You, readers, already know where I’m going with this…nowhere. Right. Is it out of the question I’ll hear from him? Of course not. Sitting by the phone? Definitely not. But our phones are generally sitting by us, so we keep checking. Like waiting for college acceptance or that million dollars from Publishers Clearing House. Refresh.

The problem, according to me, is that getting in touch feels more like making a doctor’s appointment than something we optimistically anticipate. We’ll message later. Remind ourselves to follow up. Just…not right now.

Full Disclosure

~ What's in a Profile? ~ Leave a comment

So we’ve made some connection and a couple of emails have passed between us. Now what? Do we step out from the site and share our personal email addresses? How much am I willing to share without meeting? And how much do I actually want to know?

In the early days of email, our addresses were cryptic and anonymous. Now we so commonly use our names that signatures are redundant. Sharing personal email with a new flirtation is the gateway to Google searches and Facebook stalking.

Is this OK? I’m not sure. To protect myself and maintain some control, I have a separate email account sans last name. Unnecessarily optimistic, since I’ve googled me and found only trace signs that I exist. I’ve found others with my same name. Even a photo of my ex-husband.  Do I have to go public with My Frog Princes to put myself on the map? Naaa.

But when I get the passcode into his world, I use it. Hesitantly. I’ll do some precautionary due diligence, but I don’t want to dig too deep. How can we really understand things we read when they lack context? Bad intel may lead to unmerited high hopes or create unwarranted negative expectations. Do we admit to having done the searches, or is it taken for granted that we both will (The correct answer is “yes.”)?

When we learn too much in advance, what will we talk about if we meet? If we already know the answers to the interview questions, and there’s no connection, then what? Check our phones for emails?

Warm Hugs

~ What's in a Profile? ~ 1 Comment

This really happened. I don’t remember who started it, but it was an unforgettable exchange.

I responded to a message or a like or a wink with an email. I sign my first name in emails. (For our purposes, my name is Lisa.) In return, I received several paragraphs that began by saying he’d been checking regularly hoping that he’d hear from me. Addressed to Amy. So happy to hear back from you, Amy. I love your profile, Amy. What turns you on or off in a man, Amy?

He shared details of his day going to the gym, doing laundry, and lying on the couch. He punctuated the captivating narrative with “warm hugs” and “smiles.” A real catch; Amy’s one lucky girl! Incidentally, many men describe themselves as “a real catch” in their profiles. Is that appealing to many women? Not to me, but to each his own.

My friend Amy is on the same sites that I’m on. Was she the Amy? Nope. Too bad for him, because for the right man, she will be a real catch.

Are You For Real?

~ What's in a Profile? ~ Leave a comment

How are we supposed to know if someone is genuine? Remember the ever-so-slightly younger man to whom I sent my number? For several days I heard nothing. I sent another email, following up on something we’d had in common.

This time he did respond, telling me this is his last day on the site and that I should get in touch through his regular email account (odd, since I’d already sent my number). This appears to be a recurring MO, and a red flag. I don’t know why this is the play, but it doesn’t seem to be on the up and up. And it’s mean. It makes me want to sign off forever. I don’t.

I can’t stop. It’s an addiction. We’re playing the slots, trying to beat the odds. The game is compelling, voyeuristic, intoxicating. The rewards are within our reach, but so evasive.

Hope springs eternal as the bells start ringing and the lights are flashing; a lucky winner just hit the jackpot.