Single

Searching for Pikachu

~ What's in a Profile? ~ Leave a comment

I’m in Florida at the moment, and, naturally, checked in on Bumble and Tinder to see who’s here…who’s been waiting for me all his life.

There was an alarming number of widowed, single fathers whose friends had, just 5 days ago, convinced them to go on. There were also several who lived far, far away. I can’t figure out how or why we matched. They were all in search of true love. They all want to be happy again. (Note to all, men and women alike: Looking for happiness shouldn’t be like playing Pokemon Go. Look for matches. Look for dates. Look for the love of your life. But don’t rely on that to deliver happy if you don’t already embrace it.)

One stood out. Fun looking photos. Mid 50’s and retired; I needed to know how that was. We texted back and forth for several days. Seemed like we had similar likes. We were both interested in simplifying and downsizing our lives. We get our news from the same news sources, of particular importance during this crazy election year.

We realized I was staying very close to where he lives, so we tried to make a lunch plan. Lunch never happened because he was about to have surgery. Turns out, “retired at 54” is code for “on disability.”

Also turns out that “simplifying and just enjoying life” is code for “living with my parents.” The icing? He was using his mother’s phone.

 

 

Tinder Without Borders

~ What's in a Profile? ~ Leave a comment

I only recently signed up on Tinder. I registered via my Facebook account and didn’t look at it again til a couple of weeks later. Two nights ago I looked at it for the first time; didn’t even think to look at my own profile page.

Was out with my friend (you’ve read some of her stories). Told her I thought I was at highest age range of Tinder. We checked. I am, but I’m in good company. I started looking and swiping, mostly right with my new buckshot approach, and also because I wasn’t wearing glasses or reading the profiles or looking through the photo options.

About 90% of my right swipes resulted in matches! Continued this for another day, weeded through the errant matches, and started conversations with 21 men. 21!! I texted the same message 21 times: “Hi (insert name here). Summer off to a good start?”

Results? 17 (yes, you read that right) responded! One date scheduled. Another has my phone number. 4 or 5 other ongoing conversations, one of which seems to be heading more toward dirty talk than a meeting. One of them pointed out that my profile was sparse (remember, I had never set it up). I updated and got some nice feedback from my penpals.

Now what? I’ll keep you posted.

No Excuses

~ What's in a Profile? ~ Leave a comment

 

 

 

I’m struggling with writing today; I hope you’ll bear with me if my thoughts are disorganized.

I found myself in a unique situation…I had a great date with a great guy. I even told him about My Frog Princes, certain that he’d never be fodder for my pages. (As they say, turn around is fair play, and he got the conversation started.)

It was my intent to go out again. When I said that I needed to put off another date for a few weeks because of an overwhelming schedule, it was the truth.

Here’s how my brain works: I absorb in the moment; I process later. Details coalesce and form the bigger picture. I concluded that he and I are not on the same path, that the lifestyles we want are not in sync. Religion plays a role in his life that it never has, and never will, in mine. A superficial example: he recently moved to the suburbs after many years in the city. I just did the reverse.

When we were out he told me about his past relationships. He said that falling in love was the easy part; making a life together is the challenge. This stuck with me.

Now, what was the right thing to do? On the sites, many people say they’d like to start as friends, see if that leads to more. But they’re dating sites, not make-friends sites. This particular fact was pointed out to me by several of my friends. What’s misleading? What’s fair?

Again…we had fun. He’s interesting, smart, optimistic, attractive, sensitive and honest. I planned on going out on the second date in order to show him that I really did (do) like him and had a good time with him. Face to face. I wanted to tell him I don’t see us walking the same path.

I want to be friends. I want to help him find the love of his life. Believe me when I say he’s one of the good ones. One of the really, really good ones.

Well…you know how I handled it. He deserves better. I was wrong when I went silent. My instinct was to be honest from the start, then I made some bad decisions.

Neil got his apology and explanation, personally and immediately. We talked. We even made plans. As friends.

 

 

What’s In Your Wallet?

~ What's in a Profile? ~ 2 Comments

Not too long ago, a taxi driver told me about a guy he kicked out of his cab. The guy was drunk, and telling the driver about the date he had just left. Bragged that he had “forgotten” his wallet and gotten his date to pay for a very nice dinner.

The other day my friend told me about her latest date disaster. Same story!! Met on one of the sites. Made a date at a very nice place (that he chose). He was running late, had to run home first…

They met at the bar and had a couple of drinks. When the bill came, he told her he’d forgotten his wallet during his quick change at home.

Same guy? Or, is this a thing?

 

This One Takes the Cake

~ What's in a Profile? ~ 1 Comment

Many of you have come to My Frog Princes via Facebook, and some of you have posted your crazy stories there. Thanks for engaging, and please keep sharing your experiences! This is an exact post copied from the Facebook link:

There was the homeless guy I met…has a picture up in uniform as a marine, cowboy, sings, dances, fun dude… said he was in a car wreck, so i went to the hospital to pick him up and to take him home. I pick up this dirty, toothless man, who gets in my car and tries to kiss me, ugh no!! He says he’s hungry and his roommates are already eating. I go to McDonald’s down the road, he says he forgot his wallet at the hospital. So I buy him food and offer to take him back to get his wallet. Drive back towards the hospital, he says stop, here’s home. I dropped him off at the homeless shelter in Fort Worth…..that was the end of POF for me. lol

Remember that we need to keep our senses of humor about all of this. We all know it can be disappointing and frustrating, downright depressing, along the way. But it’s also comical and absurd; laugh about it and keep going. We’re all here for you!!

FOLLOW from this page to receive email notification when new posts are added.

It Ain’t Me, Babe

~ What's in a Profile? ~ 3 Comments

I was recently swiping and this guy came up. There was one photo, in which he was wearing sunglasses and a hat, and the location was completely nondescript…maybe a construction site or a landfill. He offered no information; he wrote one line that was vague. Of course, my curiosity won out and I swiped right.

He messaged me, “Looking for me?” followed with an icon to “click here” to know more about him. I clicked, and a good photo of him appeared. Nice enough looking, and he was putting a little effort into the process. So I responded, “Creative, interesting start.”

His response: “So take a bath, shave your legs and invite me over.” Eww.

It’s interesting how misled I was by my own perception. In my head, he was being playful and creative, and that intrigued me.  I liked the photo I had clicked to open; he looked serious but nice. Now, I look at the same photo, I see a misogynist, and I feel like I need a shower.

He, like the rest of us, is playing the odds. But he and I aren’t in the same game.

 

Just Do It

~ What's in a Profile? ~ Leave a comment

A few weeks ago I said that I was going to try a new approach to my profile. I kept a short intro paragraph and followed it with a bullet-ed list of things I’d done in the two prior months. Got out my calendar and listed it all. Excluded dentist appointment (though good oral hygiene is important).

I included the books I read during that time, some key TV and internet viewing, specific work related projects, some places I’d been…you get the idea. Cliche or not, our actions speak louder than our words. This, I hypothesized, would keep skewed perception at bay. My goal was to attract men with (any) interests and styles, not necessarily the same as mine. Someone who might join me on my ride, but also take me along on his.

One response. Specifically, he thought the things I’d been doing sounded interesting and fun. Bingo!

He wished he’d been on my ride, all right. He was very nice, but also told me how uninteresting he is. He wants someone to motivate him to do fun things and expose him to things he doesn’t even know he’s missing. Hmm…sounds like work.

When you want to do something that’s within your reach, do it. Or try to. Then, call me.

Later…I Promise

~ What's in a Profile? ~ Leave a comment

I favorited him. He messaged me. Likes my photos. Likes my profile. Do I want to chat or, better, meet for coffee? OK! Here’s my number. I prefer meeting to phone date…awkward and counterproductive. Call or text and we can set something up. Or message me back on site.

You, readers, already know where I’m going with this…nowhere. Right. Is it out of the question I’ll hear from him? Of course not. Sitting by the phone? Definitely not. But our phones are generally sitting by us, so we keep checking. Like waiting for college acceptance or that million dollars from Publishers Clearing House. Refresh.

The problem, according to me, is that getting in touch feels more like making a doctor’s appointment than something we optimistically anticipate. We’ll message later. Remind ourselves to follow up. Just…not right now.

More On Organic vs. Virtual

~ What's in a Profile? ~ Leave a comment

Let’s say you meet someone; let’s say at a friend’s party.

When you’re introduced, your host tells each of you about the volunteer work that the other does. Some common ground. You talk about the personal experiences that led you to your causes, and about the ways each of you contribute.

One extraneous comment sets conversation in a new direction, and you learn that you’re both super-fans of the same team. That you grew up in the towns right next to each other and hung out at some of the same places way back when (you probably never met back then because of the 2 year age difference).  You rescued the same breed of dog. Did I mention that he went to grad school at an esteemed university and is well respected in his field?

Now, let’s equate that initial conversation with viewing each other’s profiles. The basic profile formats provide the same types of information regarding background and areas of common interest (education, tennis, movies). Call that a wash (or close enough).

In one of my earliest posts, I mocked the not-so-humble essays that tell us about the well educated, fit, adventure-seeking connoisseur who loves his family and the beach. It’s time I reconsidered. What, after all, are our options?

It is a struggle to write our essays. I mean…of course everybody’s talking themselves up. (For today, I’m not addressing liars.) We do, after all, have interests that are important parts of who we are; we all participate in the world in different ways. And if their tones were more modest…well…mightn’t they seem insincere? We wouldn’t look twice if he presented himself in negative terms!

I’ve championed the less-is-more essay. On the other hand, I find it difficult to message a man who hasn’t included something specific in his profile for me to address. I’m going to try a new approach.

I learn the most about myself by looking back over decisions I’ve made and how I’ve spent my time when it was mine to spend. I’m going to apply that to a new set of profile essays and let my recent activities speak for me. I’ll include events I attended and TV shows I watched. Work I did. Restaurants. Movies. Books. Maybe some silly anecdote.

Groundbreaking? Doubt it, but will let you know if it has any impact.