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Searching for Pikachu

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I’m in Florida at the moment, and, naturally, checked in on Bumble and Tinder to see who’s here…who’s been waiting for me all his life.

There was an alarming number of widowed, single fathers whose friends had, just 5 days ago, convinced them to go on. There were also several who lived far, far away. I can’t figure out how or why we matched. They were all in search of true love. They all want to be happy again. (Note to all, men and women alike: Looking for happiness shouldn’t be like playing Pokemon Go. Look for matches. Look for dates. Look for the love of your life. But don’t rely on that to deliver happy if you don’t already embrace it.)

One stood out. Fun looking photos. Mid 50’s and retired; I needed to know how that was. We texted back and forth for several days. Seemed like we had similar likes. We were both interested in simplifying and downsizing our lives. We get our news from the same news sources, of particular importance during this crazy election year.

We realized I was staying very close to where he lives, so we tried to make a lunch plan. Lunch never happened because he was about to have surgery. Turns out, “retired at 54” is code for “on disability.”

Also turns out that “simplifying and just enjoying life” is code for “living with my parents.” The icing? He was using his mother’s phone.

 

 

Let Me Elaborate

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I wasn’t very clear yesterday, I know. The Reader’s Digest version, right to the point…I had a great time, felt connected and comfortable, but didn’t see it amounting to a LTR (long term relationship, for any of you not used to the dating site lingo). Why not? There were reasons, feelings, but now I can’t put my finger on them. Maybe I never did. (I will bring this topic to my therapist’s couch and spare you, readers.)

What I wanted to do…planned to do…was get together again and be truthful. I’m not always in step with social code; I don’t do things the way other people do. I color outside the lines. Dance to my own drummer. Talk to strangers. But I know that sometimes I’m inappropriate; I listened to too many people and began to doubt myself. I’m angry with myself for not trusting my instincts, especially at someone else’s expense.

Even more so at the expense of someone I know values honesty and had demonstrated that from day one. Sadly, the societal norm (like the stories more common to my pages) dictated how I behaved. I fucked up. My respect and appreciation for his candid reproach is beyond measure.

Thank you, Neil, for being smarter and braver than I.

I have more to say about first dates. Next time.

 

 

 

 

 

No Excuses

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I’m struggling with writing today; I hope you’ll bear with me if my thoughts are disorganized.

I found myself in a unique situation…I had a great date with a great guy. I even told him about My Frog Princes, certain that he’d never be fodder for my pages. (As they say, turn around is fair play, and he got the conversation started.)

It was my intent to go out again. When I said that I needed to put off another date for a few weeks because of an overwhelming schedule, it was the truth.

Here’s how my brain works: I absorb in the moment; I process later. Details coalesce and form the bigger picture. I concluded that he and I are not on the same path, that the lifestyles we want are not in sync. Religion plays a role in his life that it never has, and never will, in mine. A superficial example: he recently moved to the suburbs after many years in the city. I just did the reverse.

When we were out he told me about his past relationships. He said that falling in love was the easy part; making a life together is the challenge. This stuck with me.

Now, what was the right thing to do? On the sites, many people say they’d like to start as friends, see if that leads to more. But they’re dating sites, not make-friends sites. This particular fact was pointed out to me by several of my friends. What’s misleading? What’s fair?

Again…we had fun. He’s interesting, smart, optimistic, attractive, sensitive and honest. I planned on going out on the second date in order to show him that I really did (do) like him and had a good time with him. Face to face. I wanted to tell him I don’t see us walking the same path.

I want to be friends. I want to help him find the love of his life. Believe me when I say he’s one of the good ones. One of the really, really good ones.

Well…you know how I handled it. He deserves better. I was wrong when I went silent. My instinct was to be honest from the start, then I made some bad decisions.

Neil got his apology and explanation, personally and immediately. We talked. We even made plans. As friends.

 

 

Are They Getting Stupider?

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I don’t know about you, but I’ve been moving toward the dating apps more than the sites. The down side is that I have, more than once, swiped left when, what I really wanted, was to look at photos. Upside features? Newer app, new faces. Ease of use, not smothering us with information, and…this one’s my favorite…connection to our Facebook profiles.

I know you’re sick of hearing this from me, but one more time…I simply can’t let it go! Today a guy came up with a stated age of 49. Looked older. Significantly. His lie was confirmed by his college graduation date of 1976. I’m 53 and graduated in 1984; you do the math.

I see two explanations. Option 1, Doogie Howser. Option 2, not only a liar, but too dumb to know he outed himself right on the spot. I suppose we could flip a coin, but it would keep coming up as option 2 (my homage to Iowa caucus).

Here’s my suggestion to all of you, men and women, who are lying about anything on your profiles. Don’t.

What’s In Your Wallet?

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Not too long ago, a taxi driver told me about a guy he kicked out of his cab. The guy was drunk, and telling the driver about the date he had just left. Bragged that he had “forgotten” his wallet and gotten his date to pay for a very nice dinner.

The other day my friend told me about her latest date disaster. Same story!! Met on one of the sites. Made a date at a very nice place (that he chose). He was running late, had to run home first…

They met at the bar and had a couple of drinks. When the bill came, he told her he’d forgotten his wallet during his quick change at home.

Same guy? Or, is this a thing?

 

This One Takes the Cake

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Many of you have come to My Frog Princes via Facebook, and some of you have posted your crazy stories there. Thanks for engaging, and please keep sharing your experiences! This is an exact post copied from the Facebook link:

There was the homeless guy I met…has a picture up in uniform as a marine, cowboy, sings, dances, fun dude… said he was in a car wreck, so i went to the hospital to pick him up and to take him home. I pick up this dirty, toothless man, who gets in my car and tries to kiss me, ugh no!! He says he’s hungry and his roommates are already eating. I go to McDonald’s down the road, he says he forgot his wallet at the hospital. So I buy him food and offer to take him back to get his wallet. Drive back towards the hospital, he says stop, here’s home. I dropped him off at the homeless shelter in Fort Worth…..that was the end of POF for me. lol

Remember that we need to keep our senses of humor about all of this. We all know it can be disappointing and frustrating, downright depressing, along the way. But it’s also comical and absurd; laugh about it and keep going. We’re all here for you!!

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Pants on Fire

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One of my friends made a date for the other night. According to his profile, he was about ten years older than she (she’s 39 and has broad age parameters), no kids, all looked interesting.

They made plans for a few days later. Drinks at a nice place, a late start to the evening. He hadn’t seen his buddy in a while, and he didn’t want to cancel the earlier dinner plans. Reasonable. No explanations necessary. In hindsight, that should have been her first clue.

She arrived by taxi; the driver over-shot the address. As she walked back toward the restaurant she saw her date saying goodbye to his buddy…a hot and heavy goodbye as he put her into a cab.

My friend still went in to meet him. And told him what she saw. He briefly hemmed and hawed, and then decided to be truthful. Not about the earlier date, but about himself.

Turns out that “no kids” is, in fact, 5 kids. It appears he decided there was no point in lying anymore. His true age? Guess we’ll never know. I wonder if his wife does.

I’m (Almost) Speechless

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Today I received three messages. Good, right?! One of the guys is in Los Angeles. Another is in Texas. I’m in New York. WTF!

The third?

Since my words couldn’t possibly do his justice, here’s a quote from his essay: “If your (his improper grammar, not mine)  searching for an attractive, kind and funny soul–who’s also sincere, suave and sexy…” blah blah this, blah blah that…good in kitchen “…I’ve been told I’m fairly accomplished in some other rooms of the house as well.”

Suddenly, Texas and LA are lookin’ pretty good.

Just Do It

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A few weeks ago I said that I was going to try a new approach to my profile. I kept a short intro paragraph and followed it with a bullet-ed list of things I’d done in the two prior months. Got out my calendar and listed it all. Excluded dentist appointment (though good oral hygiene is important).

I included the books I read during that time, some key TV and internet viewing, specific work related projects, some places I’d been…you get the idea. Cliche or not, our actions speak louder than our words. This, I hypothesized, would keep skewed perception at bay. My goal was to attract men with (any) interests and styles, not necessarily the same as mine. Someone who might join me on my ride, but also take me along on his.

One response. Specifically, he thought the things I’d been doing sounded interesting and fun. Bingo!

He wished he’d been on my ride, all right. He was very nice, but also told me how uninteresting he is. He wants someone to motivate him to do fun things and expose him to things he doesn’t even know he’s missing. Hmm…sounds like work.

When you want to do something that’s within your reach, do it. Or try to. Then, call me.

Can You Hear Me Now?

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Written communication has its flaws, especially when you don’t know the other person. It’s hard as the reader. It’s hard as the writer. Sometimes it requires an interpreter. Like one sequence of messages in which I was recently engaged (more like ensnared).

I read his profile, assessed his photos, took the leap, and favorited him. He responded with lyrics, and asked me to identify the artist. I googled the answer and wrote back, admitting that I’d done the search (and earned props for the effort). He wrote back…normally a good sign.

With each successive message (and there were a few back and forth), I became more confused. I wasn’t sure if he was still quoting songs. I didn’t know if he was being philosophical or snarky. I said I was “confused, but curious.”  He was confused by my confusion, and curious about my curiosity. I felt like he was talking in code and I didn’t have the key.

He messaged me a couple more times, but he’d lost me by then.

25 years ago I invited a mom and her daughter (I hardly knew them) over for lunch and a playdate. I’ll save you the details and tell you the afternoon was an awkward disaster. Such an awkward disaster that, by the end of the afternoon, we had bonded over it, and we’re still sharing the laugh.

The relevance of this tale? We were face to face and committed to an afternoon, and we found our connection. I’m resolved to go back to my earlier dating resolution; once we’ve connected online, it’s time to meet. Or not. But no more mysterious pen pals.