Author: What's in a Profile?

Like a Lady Should

~ What's in a Profile? ~ 3 Comments

Another crazy story that was shared on MFP’s Facebook page, cut and pasted as written:

Met this guy on a dating site, texted & talked a few times before we met. One day we met at Star Bucks had a drink, we both laughed, had a great time, then he suggested that we should go and get something to eat. So we did and our “meet” lasted for about 4 hours..great right? Gets better, We talked about every thing, he got a little teary eyed talking about his dad, we ate lunch (which I had salmon but who cares?), laughed some more…we walked to our cars still talking & laughing, gave each other a hug and he said he would call me later….Later turned into tomorrow. …and his text said: “your BMI is over 27% and I can’t date a woman who is over weight but I would still like to play racquetball with you on a weekly basis…” WTF???
I responded like a lady should:
“I didn’t ask you the size of your penis, or how long it takes for you to get an erection and that viagra probably wouldn’t work on you because you’re too old or the length of your fingers are too short for my liking, nor did I mention that your lips looked liked Kim Kardashian’s ass, and your mouth looked like an asshole. And NO I do not want to play racquetball with you on a weekly basis because if I whip your ass you will cry”. Responded like a woman should. LOL

Let Me Elaborate

~ What's in a Profile? ~ 3 Comments

I wasn’t very clear yesterday, I know. The Reader’s Digest version, right to the point…I had a great time, felt connected and comfortable, but didn’t see it amounting to a LTR (long term relationship, for any of you not used to the dating site lingo). Why not? There were reasons, feelings, but now I can’t put my finger on them. Maybe I never did. (I will bring this topic to my therapist’s couch and spare you, readers.)

What I wanted to do…planned to do…was get together again and be truthful. I’m not always in step with social code; I don’t do things the way other people do. I color outside the lines. Dance to my own drummer. Talk to strangers. But I know that sometimes I’m inappropriate; I listened to too many people and began to doubt myself. I’m angry with myself for not trusting my instincts, especially at someone else’s expense.

Even more so at the expense of someone I know values honesty and had demonstrated that from day one. Sadly, the societal norm (like the stories more common to my pages) dictated how I behaved. I fucked up. My respect and appreciation for his candid reproach is beyond measure.

Thank you, Neil, for being smarter and braver than I.

I have more to say about first dates. Next time.

 

 

 

 

 

No Excuses

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I’m struggling with writing today; I hope you’ll bear with me if my thoughts are disorganized.

I found myself in a unique situation…I had a great date with a great guy. I even told him about My Frog Princes, certain that he’d never be fodder for my pages. (As they say, turn around is fair play, and he got the conversation started.)

It was my intent to go out again. When I said that I needed to put off another date for a few weeks because of an overwhelming schedule, it was the truth.

Here’s how my brain works: I absorb in the moment; I process later. Details coalesce and form the bigger picture. I concluded that he and I are not on the same path, that the lifestyles we want are not in sync. Religion plays a role in his life that it never has, and never will, in mine. A superficial example: he recently moved to the suburbs after many years in the city. I just did the reverse.

When we were out he told me about his past relationships. He said that falling in love was the easy part; making a life together is the challenge. This stuck with me.

Now, what was the right thing to do? On the sites, many people say they’d like to start as friends, see if that leads to more. But they’re dating sites, not make-friends sites. This particular fact was pointed out to me by several of my friends. What’s misleading? What’s fair?

Again…we had fun. He’s interesting, smart, optimistic, attractive, sensitive and honest. I planned on going out on the second date in order to show him that I really did (do) like him and had a good time with him. Face to face. I wanted to tell him I don’t see us walking the same path.

I want to be friends. I want to help him find the love of his life. Believe me when I say he’s one of the good ones. One of the really, really good ones.

Well…you know how I handled it. He deserves better. I was wrong when I went silent. My instinct was to be honest from the start, then I made some bad decisions.

Neil got his apology and explanation, personally and immediately. We talked. We even made plans. As friends.

 

 

Ouch.

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The following is a series of excerpts from a very recent comment. Full disclosure…the person he is writing about is me.

We found a place to meet for drinks…and ended up sharing a light bite. Almost for three hours, the conversation had deepened, laughs flowed, family stories told, a sharing back and forth, I felt an attraction…I knew I wanted to see her again. I thought she may have felt the same…and when this first date ended on the streets of the city, I asked the loaded question men dare ask when interested…”would you like to get together again?” She said “Yes!” emphatically, and it was agreed. We had a nice time, a GOOD time, it was fun, enough certainly to want to see each other again.

Or, so I thought.

…I had believed this one time date could become a possibility, I was excited about having met her… but, time has passed since that date, and I am puzzled. Despite all she had openly shared to me directly about her history and wanting to be open to this new dating life and meeting someone, all I know about her now is from what she shares online. I read things poking fun and complaining about this difficult still new dating process, yet she seems to have forgotten that there actually was a genuinely interested and appropriate man with whom she did have a positive encounter, ME.

I read her words now from a distance, but she vanished from me like a Houdini.

After our date, we spoke on the phone a couple of times and traded text messages back and forth. It all felt right, normal, no… quite good! But, I am sensitive to being distanced, so my guard was up. I tried to get her to meet again for the second date, and instead of arranging any, she told me (truthfully I still want to believe) she had some major issues that needed tending to with her family, got very busy with the new job, and if I could and would be understanding, we would meet again, and very soon… but, not yet.

Yes, I do understand that life sometimes gets in the way.

 But, after those hopeful texts and calls after that single date, right after the holidays, my final text wished her a happy new year trying to keep the connection alive. There was no response.

Crickets.

Everything he said is true. It was a great date. Tomorrow I will tell you what happened, and why.

(Click on Neil T. to read his complete post)

 

Are They Getting Stupider?

~ What's in a Profile? ~ 7 Comments

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been moving toward the dating apps more than the sites. The down side is that I have, more than once, swiped left when, what I really wanted, was to look at photos. Upside features? Newer app, new faces. Ease of use, not smothering us with information, and…this one’s my favorite…connection to our Facebook profiles.

I know you’re sick of hearing this from me, but one more time…I simply can’t let it go! Today a guy came up with a stated age of 49. Looked older. Significantly. His lie was confirmed by his college graduation date of 1976. I’m 53 and graduated in 1984; you do the math.

I see two explanations. Option 1, Doogie Howser. Option 2, not only a liar, but too dumb to know he outed himself right on the spot. I suppose we could flip a coin, but it would keep coming up as option 2 (my homage to Iowa caucus).

Here’s my suggestion to all of you, men and women, who are lying about anything on your profiles. Don’t.

What’s In Your Wallet?

~ What's in a Profile? ~ 2 Comments

Not too long ago, a taxi driver told me about a guy he kicked out of his cab. The guy was drunk, and telling the driver about the date he had just left. Bragged that he had “forgotten” his wallet and gotten his date to pay for a very nice dinner.

The other day my friend told me about her latest date disaster. Same story!! Met on one of the sites. Made a date at a very nice place (that he chose). He was running late, had to run home first…

They met at the bar and had a couple of drinks. When the bill came, he told her he’d forgotten his wallet during his quick change at home.

Same guy? Or, is this a thing?

 

This One Takes the Cake

~ What's in a Profile? ~ 1 Comment

Many of you have come to My Frog Princes via Facebook, and some of you have posted your crazy stories there. Thanks for engaging, and please keep sharing your experiences! This is an exact post copied from the Facebook link:

There was the homeless guy I met…has a picture up in uniform as a marine, cowboy, sings, dances, fun dude… said he was in a car wreck, so i went to the hospital to pick him up and to take him home. I pick up this dirty, toothless man, who gets in my car and tries to kiss me, ugh no!! He says he’s hungry and his roommates are already eating. I go to McDonald’s down the road, he says he forgot his wallet at the hospital. So I buy him food and offer to take him back to get his wallet. Drive back towards the hospital, he says stop, here’s home. I dropped him off at the homeless shelter in Fort Worth…..that was the end of POF for me. lol

Remember that we need to keep our senses of humor about all of this. We all know it can be disappointing and frustrating, downright depressing, along the way. But it’s also comical and absurd; laugh about it and keep going. We’re all here for you!!

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Pants on Fire

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One of my friends made a date for the other night. According to his profile, he was about ten years older than she (she’s 39 and has broad age parameters), no kids, all looked interesting.

They made plans for a few days later. Drinks at a nice place, a late start to the evening. He hadn’t seen his buddy in a while, and he didn’t want to cancel the earlier dinner plans. Reasonable. No explanations necessary. In hindsight, that should have been her first clue.

She arrived by taxi; the driver over-shot the address. As she walked back toward the restaurant she saw her date saying goodbye to his buddy…a hot and heavy goodbye as he put her into a cab.

My friend still went in to meet him. And told him what she saw. He briefly hemmed and hawed, and then decided to be truthful. Not about the earlier date, but about himself.

Turns out that “no kids” is, in fact, 5 kids. It appears he decided there was no point in lying anymore. His true age? Guess we’ll never know. I wonder if his wife does.